Thursday, September 14, 2006

Guest Truck Accessory Blogger In Attendance!

Yay, my chubby little cousin Jackson is in town. (Yes, my aunt Linda named him "Jackson") He's a little developmentally challenged, but a really good kid. I told him that he could be my guest today. His fingers are too fat and greasy to type on the keyboard, so I'll type for him. I'm going to ask him a series of questions about truck accessories, and I'll put the answers here. Ready? Here we go...

Cleveland Mike: What do you think is the coolest truck right now?

Jackson: My daddy's truck!

Cleveland Mike: What kind of truck does your daddy drive?

Jackson: It's real big. (long pause) and red!

Cleveland Mike: Nice, buddy, nice. What's the deal with your hair, did your Mom ever show you how to brush it?

Jackson: No, I'm not allowed to. I hit my eye with the comb once...

Cleveland Mike: Ok, li'l guy, what's your favorite truck accessory?

Jackson: What's a truck axory?

Cleveland Mike: Not truck AXORY, it's truck accessory. A truck accessory is any aftermarket component that you add to your truck. You could add it for looks, for performance, or for economy reasons.

Jackson: E-comony?

Cleveland Mike: Yes, silly little Jackson, economy. A person can actually save money by spending money on their truck. See, if you install a tonneau cover on your truck, you will see mileage gains. The smoother airflow over the bed of the truck really cuts down on wind resistance and you get more miles for your gallon of gas. The cover pays for itself in a matter of months.

Jackson: But I wanna tipe! When do I get two?

Cleveland Mike: I already told you, bud, your little fingers are too fat. Plus you have chocolate all over them. Go ask your Mom for a wipey.

Jackson: (Runs off to get a "wipe-wipe" from Mommy) I'm back, now let me tipe!

Cleveland Mike: Fine. I'll ask you another question and you type your answer. If you want to boost the power of your truck, is it better to get a performance exhaust system, or to get a high-flowing air intake system?

Jackson: jn9ejdx7ag mxc x xjwimqw [.

Cleveland Mike: (he's asking me about the number keys now...I'm explaining that they are-

Jackson: 93738903jkd 98 03 4465/*/66546540+--*/*6454

Cleveland Mike: (he's getting pissed. he just hit me. I think he needs candy) Someone get this kid some Candy!!! (He's squeeling now, like a little baby pig from hell..)

Jackson: jklsdklnclasclksdfljke0p K;QLKJlke ;lWE;LKe ljQJKLQWEJ ;LQKWEJ;lqjel;jW LKqjkbQ8932O I2L;K1212 4 6+ 64+ 4645 []OI

Cleveland Mike: Whew, under control. His Mom took him...uh oh. She's coming back and she looks pissed.

Aunt Linda: Did you yell at him?!?

Cleveland Mike: No, he just started freaking out...

Aunt Linda: He said that you called him fat.

Cleveland Mike: No, I didn't call him fat. I said that his fingers were too fat to type on the keyboard...owWwW!(She just smacked me in the back of the head!)

Aunt Linda: Idiot! And what the hell are you typing? Stop it. I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with you. Dont think that I won't lay you across me knee like I used to. Remember when you (it's too embarrassing to type)?

Cleveland Mike: (rolling eyes) yes...

Aunt Linda: ...And we had to cut your socks off with scissors? Your chubby little feet were stuck! You had the sock pattern imprinted in your skin for days...you were a lot chubbier than Jackson is. Lay off him. You're a bully. A bully that knows more about truck accessories and hot performance items than anyone ever will. And handsome. stop typing that! I didn't call you handsome! Your dad was handome. no, don't type that. stop it, stop it, stop it. -

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