Truck Accessories get going when the going is getting good.

Well, I opened this "new post" box with the intent of talking about truck accessories. Forget about that. I've come across something much, much more interesting: the new 4WheelDrive Hardware catalog.

These guys must have the worst timing of any catalog company, ever! They've dropped a sales catalog that makes fun of Steve Irwin (the public's most trusted animal expert.) two days after he died a horrible death. What the hell? You guys are a mess.

Obviously this catalog cover idea was thought of and quite possibly printed months ahead of time. The shipper probably dropped them in the mail two days before Mr. Irwin's untimely death. There was no way of knowing what would happen. Unless...

Perhaps a rival company knew of 4WheelDrive Hardware's intent to drop this Irwin-esque catalog and sabotaged them by offing Mr. Crock Hunta! Maybe there was a hired hand from AIM Industries inside of the stingray (or manta ray, who can tell the difference?).

Speaking of stingray, have you ever seen one of their faces? It's on the bottom of the damn thing and looks like a smiley face. It's f-ing terrifying.

I'm serious. Sea creatures scare the hell out of me. Land animals I understand. They've got legs that they walk on, heads on top of their bodies, some sort of "hands" and some sort of feet. But sea creatures...who the hell knows what's going on with them?

They've got tentacles (maybe testicles too. The only man brave enough to find out is now deceased.) But they've got appendages everywhere and armor and gills and lots of eyes and little flippers and various other forms of motion, legs, blow holes, uh...walking...swimming.

To tell you the truth, I don't know shit about sea life. All I know is that one time I was hanging out with Gramps down in Florida and he told me to go down by the water and stick my little 5-year old finger down into the sand. So I do.

Exactly one half-second later I feel as if my finger has been cut off. I yanked my wounded little finger out of the sand and there is a dreadful sea monster hanging from it. His horrible, tiny little claw was latched onto the end of my finger like a horrible little claw latched onto the end of my finger. Yeah, you guessed it, I screamed like a little girl.

I flailed my arms about like an idiot and the little monster let go and flew straight up into the air. It promptly landed at my feet and chased me around the beach for five whole minutes. Did dear old Grandpa help? No. Did the nice lady selling ice cream help? No.

Eventually a nice man ran over, picked up the little hell spawn and flung it back into the sea. "Be gone," he shouted! "I cast thee back where to whence thou came!" or something stupid like that. I don't remember, I was too little.

You know what doesn't suck? Truck accessories. Has a hood guard ever bitten you on the hand? Did your performance air intake system ever chase you around the beach and scare you to death? I didn't think so.

They've been nice to you, now be nice to them. There are many, many truck accessories that need a good home. They've been left on cold and lonely warehouse shelves for weeks at a time with no love. Please give to your local Truck Accessory Charity.

Please visit www.stylinconcepts.com for more information on how you can give these lonely truck accessories a good home.

Go Browns!

An open letter to truck accessories.

Truck Accessories,
I need to write you this letter as a confession. A confession of my love for you. Truck accessories, you've been with me in the best of times, and you were there in the worst of times.

Remember that road trip where we helped my dad's tired F150 squeeze out 22 MPG's? That was great. High Performance Air Intake system, you and your buddy, the dual exhaust system, really stepped up and took one for the team that day. You cleaned air and fed the Ford F-150's engine admirably.

Hood guard, you performed perfectly as well. Not a single bug hit the windshield. What about the time I accidentally drove through that mud puddle and you got dirty? I'm really sorry about that. I was being irresponsible and I apologise.

And my darling hood guard. Remember the time a rock hit you on the highway? You saved my life. The Dodge Ram in front of us didn't have the appropriate mud flaps installed and his rear tire kicked up the rock. That rock could have hit the hood or windshield. The windshield might have shattered and I would have lost control of my Silverado and flipped over and died. If only that driver loved accessorizing his Dodge truck as much as we do.

But don't fear, brave little hood shield. For you came with a lifetime warranty. All I had to do was call the retailer where I purchased you and they replaced you, no questions asked.

And I can't forget my little buddies, my carpeted floor mats. You guys are great. You protect my truck's factory carpet from the elements. Your raised lip traps dirt and water. Your thick, lush pile is comfortable for my feet. Your factory colors help you fit in perfectly. And the fact that you are custom fit for my truck, it makes me love you that much more.

Truck accessories, I can't believe that I'm actually telling you all this. I'm usually so shy. But I've been drinking and I have some thoughts to get off of my chest. Well, I had some thoughts, but they're gone now. You know...cause of the drinking.

Smooches,
Cleveland Mike

Truck Accessories - Not hard to find.

Why, oh why are there so many stock-looking trucks on the road these days? I mean, is it really that hard to call up Stylin' Concepts or JC Whitney and get an EGR Hood Guard?

Nobody should have to see stock trucks rolling around. It's a disgrace. That's why people don't run around naked. When I go out in public, I have the common decency to wear clothing. I don't want to offend anyone by having my naughty parts flopping all over the place. And neither should your truck.

A naked truck hood is a terrible thing to waste. You should install a hood guard onto the hood of your truck. Or if you prefer, just replace it with a hot fiberglass hood. It'll have scoops and air vents and be much more attractive than a hood with no truck accessories.

And what about shoes? Your truck's wheels and tires are like its shoes. Do you walk around barefoot and nasty-looking like Nicole Richie? I didn't think so. So hook your truck up with some nice wheels and tires.

What about the engine compartment, you know, the "heart" of your truck. Have you taken care of it with a nice air intake system? What about a performance exhaust system? Those are some of the first things you're going to want to do. You'll get some extra ponies out of your stock engine as well as pick up some MPGs.

Get away from that naked truck and put some hot truck accessories on it!

Guest Truck Accessory Blogger In Attendance!

Yay, my chubby little cousin Jackson is in town. (Yes, my aunt Linda named him "Jackson") He's a little developmentally challenged, but a really good kid. I told him that he could be my guest today. His fingers are too fat and greasy to type on the keyboard, so I'll type for him. I'm going to ask him a series of questions about truck accessories, and I'll put the answers here. Ready? Here we go...

Cleveland Mike: What do you think is the coolest truck right now?

Jackson: My daddy's truck!

Cleveland Mike: What kind of truck does your daddy drive?

Jackson: It's real big. (long pause) and red!

Cleveland Mike: Nice, buddy, nice. What's the deal with your hair, did your Mom ever show you how to brush it?

Jackson: No, I'm not allowed to. I hit my eye with the comb once...

Cleveland Mike: Ok, li'l guy, what's your favorite truck accessory?

Jackson: What's a truck axory?

Cleveland Mike: Not truck AXORY, it's truck accessory. A truck accessory is any aftermarket component that you add to your truck. You could add it for looks, for performance, or for economy reasons.

Jackson: E-comony?

Cleveland Mike: Yes, silly little Jackson, economy. A person can actually save money by spending money on their truck. See, if you install a tonneau cover on your truck, you will see mileage gains. The smoother airflow over the bed of the truck really cuts down on wind resistance and you get more miles for your gallon of gas. The cover pays for itself in a matter of months.

Jackson: But I wanna tipe! When do I get two?

Cleveland Mike: I already told you, bud, your little fingers are too fat. Plus you have chocolate all over them. Go ask your Mom for a wipey.

Jackson: (Runs off to get a "wipe-wipe" from Mommy) I'm back, now let me tipe!

Cleveland Mike: Fine. I'll ask you another question and you type your answer. If you want to boost the power of your truck, is it better to get a performance exhaust system, or to get a high-flowing air intake system?

Jackson: jn9ejdx7ag mxc x xjwimqw [.

Cleveland Mike: (he's asking me about the number keys now...I'm explaining that they are-

Jackson: 93738903jkd 98 03 4465/*/66546540+--*/*6454

Cleveland Mike: (he's getting pissed. he just hit me. I think he needs candy) Someone get this kid some Candy!!! (He's squeeling now, like a little baby pig from hell..)

Jackson: jklsdklnclasclksdfljke0p K;QLKJlke ;lWE;LKe ljQJKLQWEJ ;LQKWEJ;lqjel;jW LKqjkbQ8932O I2L;K1212 4 6+ 64+ 4645 []OI

Cleveland Mike: Whew, under control. His Mom took him...uh oh. She's coming back and she looks pissed.

Aunt Linda: Did you yell at him?!?

Cleveland Mike: No, he just started freaking out...

Aunt Linda: He said that you called him fat.

Cleveland Mike: No, I didn't call him fat. I said that his fingers were too fat to type on the keyboard...owWwW!(She just smacked me in the back of the head!)

Aunt Linda: Idiot! And what the hell are you typing? Stop it. I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with you. Dont think that I won't lay you across me knee like I used to. Remember when you (it's too embarrassing to type)?

Cleveland Mike: (rolling eyes) yes...

Aunt Linda: ...And we had to cut your socks off with scissors? Your chubby little feet were stuck! You had the sock pattern imprinted in your skin for days...you were a lot chubbier than Jackson is. Lay off him. You're a bully. A bully that knows more about truck accessories and hot performance items than anyone ever will. And handsome. stop typing that! I didn't call you handsome! Your dad was handome. no, don't type that. stop it, stop it, stop it. -

Another Day On the North Coast.

I know what you're thinking. I'm living the life here in Cleveland, right? I drive a quaint little car and live in a quaint little house on a quaint little street in the poorest major city in the United States.

Did you know that? This city is totally poor. I guess it's because the city spends my hard-earned dollars sending their maintenance crews to cut my grass down to the dirt and shred my beautiful flowers with string trimmers ("oops, sorry Mr. [Cleveland Mike], we got a report that this address was unoccupied..."). Or maybe it's because they assign a garbage truck to the West Side Market to pick up two loads of trash and the crew spends the rest of the day sleeping in the cab and reading the newspaper.

Oh well, the East and Southern coastline have hurricanes to deal with while the West coast has earthquakes. Up here, we just get snowed on. A lot. But it's better than being drowned or having the ground open up and swallow you alive.

Cheers.

Oh, and don't forget to check out some sweet truck accessories from my boys at Stylin Concepts. They've got anything you could want, from exhaust or intake systems, to side step bars, billet grilles, or even suspension kits.

Check 'em out, sucka!

Jogging, Gankin' I-pods, Truck Accessories

That's all for today, if you need more information on truck accessories, visit Stylin' Concepts Custom Truck and SUV Accessories! Related Links: Stylin Concepts Ford F150 Sweepstakes Truck Accessories Head over to Stylin' Concepts Articles page

Steaks

Anyways, Matty McG has a hood guard and window visors on his truck. He got them at Stylin' Concepts. They're nice units from EGR that carry a lifetime warranty. He's also got a slick intake system on his truck, so it sounds pretty mean.

That's it. I'm out!